Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
