yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
