great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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