All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
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I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
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I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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