"it" just moved
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
