About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
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i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
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Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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