the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
