i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
