Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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