$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
