My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
