Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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