This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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