Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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