The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
