doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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