Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
