this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
