Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
tell me about the eggs
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