I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
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he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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