the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
