It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
