just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
