i just wanna soil my oats bro
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
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the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
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I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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