all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
