Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
