I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
