the new term for farting is butt boxing.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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