u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Randomize
