I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
