one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
