btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
