I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I believe in your delicious
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
