my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
