if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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