I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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