I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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