so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
