I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Damn victory sex feels great
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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