The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
