I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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