We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
