so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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