It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
