I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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