Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
