I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
