i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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