idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
