Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
