After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
