theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
