I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
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