got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
