I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
