I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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