Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
