I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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