when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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