so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
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Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
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Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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