I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
