Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
there is glitter all over my balls
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