How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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