That's intense
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
