My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I need water and some morals
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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