I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
