I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
