She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
