I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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