you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
